


Where did it go wrong?

by icecreamnana



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet Ending, M/M, Mentions of Sex, forced breakup, nomin, nomin draught got me acting up, nomin secret relationship, renmin autumn fight, sm suck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:28:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27435862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icecreamnana/pseuds/icecreamnana
Summary: The members noticed that Jaemin hasn't been talking to Jeno lately. And Jeno hasn't tried to talk to him, either.And no one wants to talk about it.
Relationships: Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Comments: 23
Kudos: 190





	Where did it go wrong?

“Are you and Jeno okay?” 

Jaemin felt his stomach lurch uncomfortably, as he turned his gaze directly up to Shotaro. He knew the question was harmless enough. The boy was just trying to make small talk, perhaps the language barrier meant he didn’t understand the implications of his question.

“What do you mean?” Jaemin looked back down at his phone again, ignoring the continuous buzz of music in the background. 

“Did you guys argue?” 

Ah. 

So Shotaro knew exactly what he was implying. Jaemin narrowed his eyes at Shotaro, giving him a perplexed look, but the boy continued to stare back at him, an ever so innocent smile plastered across his face. Concerned. That’s all Shotaro was. 

“Erm.” Jaemin glanced at his watch, praying that time would hurry up so they could go back to filming and he wouldn’t be burdened with more interrogating on Shotaro’s end. 

And yet, no manager called them back to set, no other members seemed interested in joining the pair in their quiet corner at the back of the studio. Jaemin wished Donghyuck was here, or even Mark. This would’ve been the perfect time either of them would’ve barged in and changed the subject. Unfortunately, none of the other members except for Dream knew what had happened. 

“What makes you say that?” 

“You don’t talk much.” Why was Shotaro so persistent? Jaemin didn’t remember being able to uphold such a confrontation when he returned from his hiatus, but that kind of situation never arose back then. 

“We’re both busy.” Jaemin tried to wave him off, desperately trying to make eye contact with Jaehyun from across the room, but he seemed preoccupied with Lucas and Taeyong. 

“I see.” Shotaro sighed, leaning in closer to Jaemin. Biting his lip, he shuffled over to Jaemin, putting his arm around him. 

In a hushed voice, Shotaro whispered to him. 

“If you ever need someone to talk to, I’ll listen.” The bell signalled just after Shotaro had finished, signalling that filming was taking place again. Jaemin gave the boy a smile and nod of acknowledgement, but he knew that he wouldn’t be able to talk about this scenario with Shotaro. He couldn’t. 

Jaemin didn’t want to go back to the dorms after filming. According to Chenle’s recent weibo, Jisung was having a meal at his house, which meant only Renjun, Donghyuck and Jeno would be home. Ever since the incident, Jaemin had done everything in his power to shut himself off from Jeno, but despite his best efforts, he desperately craved to talk to him again. 

“Jaemin!” Xiaojun was a nice guy. Jaemin really appreciated him, he was talented and humble, and extremely kind. He approached Jaemin with a broad smile, fully fitted with his casual night clothes now the day was over. 

“Yangyang texted me asking if you wanted to play games with him?” Yangyang was also a nice guy. Back in the day, the pair had spent a lot of time together, especially when Jaemin was on his hiatus. They got along, and Jaemin would consider him a friend, but he could be very overwhelming sometimes, very much like Hyuck but on a different sort of level. But Yangyang always managed to distract Jaemin and keep his mind off things. Perhaps hanging out with him would be a good idea. 

“Sure. When?” Jaemin smiled softly, tugging his backpack over his shoulder. Xiaojun grinned and wrapped an arm around him. Jaemin always appreciated how comfortable the WayV members made themselves with everyone else. They made him feel relaxed and welcomed. 

“Now, I guess. His unit just finished their schedules.” Jaemin’s stomach did that uncomfortable stomach lurch again. That meant Jeno had finished too.

“Just with Yangyang, right?” Xiaojun’s smile faltered, and Jaemin’s heart sank as he realised he’d just been caught in their stupid trap. WayV had to be careful, the managers wouldn’t approve of this.

“I’m not going if Jeno’s there.”

“Jaemin-.”

“Xiaojun.” Jaemin interjected with a frighteningly bright smile, the balls of his feet anxiously thumping against the ground. “I can’t. But tell Yangyang it was a nice try.”

And with that, Jaemin turned on his heel and walked out the room. The dorm was empty when he returned, cold from lack of body heat and dark without the lights. Jaemin didn’t really feel like turning them on, and decided on heading straight to his room. He flopped down face-first onto the clean sheets, knowing full well he needed to however, but he just needed some peace and quiet at first. 

To anyone else, perhaps the quietness of the dorm would’ve been daunting, but Jaemin preferred it like this. The darkness, the peace, it was what he needed. He found it hard to cope when too many noises were going off around him. For now, he could just dwell in his own self pity. 

_I fucking hate this. ___

____

Jaemin turned on his phone, knowing full well that if he had any text notifications he was going to ignore them. Not that he’d see them anyway, he had all of his notifications turned off. He headed to his private twitter account that not even the members knew about, scrolling through his feed aimlessly. Jaemin followed a lot of old classmates from SOPA and middle school, before he was even an idol, on his private account. He became invested in the lives of normal twenty year olds and their university drama. Who was dating who, what their professors were like, who was arguing with who, anything besides being an idol. Jaemin’s heart clenched as he let the tears fall for the fifth time this week. He loved his fans, he really did, and he loved his job, but sometimes he just wanted to escape it. Be anybody else. Have friends who weren’t colleagues. Have friendships that weren’t forced but came natural and easy to him. Jaemin felt as if he’d lost those ones he’d hurt. 

____

‘Hey Jaemin, hope you’re good :)’ The first message Jaemin bothered to look at was from Hyunmin. Jaemin clenched his phone tightly. He truly treasured the friendship he’d created with the model after their time on TV together, and his daily updates seemed to be Jaemin’s only sense of normality on occasion. Jaemin swiftly replied, texting back about how his filming was going, how tired he was, and hoped the other was okay. He missed him, but it’s not like he had time to see him. 

____

The lines became blurry after that. Jaemin indulged in sugary drinks and foreign tv shows, allowing himself to be fully consumed by it all. At some point, he heard Renjun and Jeno come in, but he ignored them, unable to face them yet. 

____

A light knock on the door lifted him out of his thoughts.

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“Jaemin?” It was Donghyuck. He was staying with 127, he should be busy right now, why was he here?

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“The fans are noticing.” Was the second thing out of Donghyuck’s mouth as he let himself in Jaemin’s room, plopping himself down in Jaemin’s gaming chair opposite the bed. Jaemin’s breath hitched. He wanted to reply that he couldn’t care less, that he’ll just let the rumours fly like last time until they were evidently squished, but he knew Donghyuck wouldn’t like that. In fact, Donghyuck would hate to hear that. 

____

“Okay?”

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“Talk to Jeno.”

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Jaemin scoffed, crossing his arms and rolling his eyes.

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“You know I can’t, Hyuck.” 

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Donghyuck tutted, kicking his legs up onto Jaemin’s desk, making a point of shoving all his empty coffee cups out the way with his shoes. Jaemin sighed, running a shaky hand through his hair. 

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“You mean you _won’t.” ___

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“I mean I’m not _fucking allowed to, Hyuck.” _Jaemin wasn’t one to swear, or raise his voice, and judging by the silence outside of his room, the others had definitely heard. Donghyuck’s expression softened, and he joined Jaemin on his bed, throwing his arms around him. Jaemin let the sadness envelope him, and his tears spilled over onto Donghyuck’s shoulder. Donghyuck shushed him, telling him it would all be okay, but Jaemin knew it wouldn’t, that it would never be the same from now on because he was never careful enough around Jeno.__

______ _ _

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_Remember Jaemin, you’re always replaceable. A speck of dust forgotten in a cloud of talent._

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Donghyuck squeezed Jaemin’s waist, pulling him into his lap as Jaemin cried harder. From the commotion outside, Jaemin knew the managers had been noted, but were seemingly being held back. About time, Jaemin thought bitterly. 

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“They’re bastards, Jaemin. Real fucking bastards. I’m so sorry.” Donghyuck whispered, his own anxiety and anger showing in his voice. Jaemin wished he didn’t have to carry the burden with him, he wished none of them had. Renjun’s venomous tone of voice echoed in the back of his head, piercing his heart like tiny needles, one by one breaking him down.

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_You guys could’ve ruined our career over this. ___

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“They’re just doing their job, Hyuck.” Jaemin sighed, finally drawing back from the hug, covering his eyes with his palm, not wanting his best friend to see his blood-shot eyes from his heavy tears and sleepless nights. Donghyuck tutted again, clicking his tongue and shaking his head. 

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“They’re all for their marketing until this happens.” Donghyuck growled under his breath, patting Jaemin’s shoulder roughly before his expression turned back into the soft, happy-go-lucky one he usually wore, blowing him a kiss. “Goodnight Nana.” 

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The chatter outside his door raised in volume again, but it all felt like background noise to him now as Jaemin slammed his soundproof headphones over his head and covered himself under the blanket. Nights like this were common now. Jaemin only blamed himself. 

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“It’s Jeno’s fault too, you know.” Chenle remarked randomly whilst Jaemin was cooking him dinner in their kitchen a few days later. Jaemin let out an annoyed sigh, calmly putting the knife back on the counter. Jaemin turned to look over at the younger who was busy licking his fingers clean from the sweets he was previously eating. Jaemin quirked an eyebrow at him, leaning back against the counter.

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“He should’ve locked his door.” Chenle continued nonchalantly, not looking up from his sugary meal. Jaemin could’ve laughed at how ridiculously rational Chenle seemed. About how it was _that simple, _if Jeno had just locked his door they never would’ve been caught. It was simple enough, so much so that perhaps Chenle was right. But it wasn’t that easy, it was a combination of things; of unspoken feelings harbouring for years, or stolen kisses behind the members' backs until eventually, their little secret came crashing down right under their feet.__

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_I always thought they were a little too close, you know? ___

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“Yeah, he should’ve.” Jaemin snorted, turning his back to Chenle to continue cutting up vegetables. 

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“Or maybe you two shouldn’t have been doing things that required locking doors in the first place.” Ah. Renjun was rightfully annoyed at both of them. I mean, they had been keeping it a secret for a number of years, but they’d both gathered that it was an unspoken truth amongst the members. Jaemin thought that the lingering touches, the wistful stares wouldn’t go unmissed by them all, and they all just knew. Chenle prided himself on the fact that he very much knew, and only an idiot wouldn’t notice. Jisung made sure Chenle shut his mouth straight up after that as all the other members shot him dirty looks. It hadn’t been that obvious. 

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Jaemin heard Chenle mutter something in Chinese back to the elder, but Renjun obviously ignored it. 

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“I said I’m sorry, Renjun. We both are.” Jaemin hated arguing, and he especially hated arguing with his friends, the only friends he may ever have in his life. Suddenly Hyunmin’s proposal of introducing Jaemin to his school friends didn’t sound so bad after all. 

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“If you were really sorry you wouldn’t have even-.”

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“I _fucking get it!” _Jaemin snapped, the knife handle breaking in his hand as he threw the remnants of it against the counter. His chest heaved up and down as silence once again broke out throughout the dorm. Chenle sat frozen in his place, his eyes wide with shock.__

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“ _If _I hadn’t have fallen in love with Jeno, we wouldn’t have been caught. _If _I didn’t find it so hard to hold back my feelings on screen, we wouldn’t be separated. _If _I didn’t want to have sex with someone I _love, we never would’ve been found out. But Renjun, it happened. And you’re not the only one paying the price for it, so you can either hate us forever or fucking _get over it.” __________

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Jaemin stormed out of the kitchen, grabbing his coat, phone and mask with full intention of leaving the building. He knew it was dangerous to do so, especially during the day, without a manager and looking like he was on the verge of a breakdown, but he didn’t care. He just needed to get out of there, out of the confines of the walls. 

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“Jaemin, wait. Slow down, dammit.” 

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Jaemin paced faster, shoving his hands deep into his pockets. 

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“You can’t avoid me forever.”

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“And have you insult me every time you see me? No thanks.” Jaemin scoffed, turning around to face a red-faced Renjun, running down the corridor after him. Jaemin hated confrontation, and he knew it would be better in the long run for both of them to hear each other out. But Jaemin was sick of the snide comments and weird looks he’d been getting the past few weeks, and it especially hurt coming from people he considered his closest friends. 

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“Jaemin, you and Jeno made me feel like an idiot. Like it was obvious you two were together?” Renjun massaged his brow, dragging Jaemin back into the dorm to not garner any outside attention. Jaemin huffed out in bewilderment.

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“That’s besides the point. You’re acting like we murdered your family.” Jaemin rolled his eyes, shaking Renjun’s vice grip on his arm off of him. Renjun looked down, biting his lip in embarrassment. Usually, Jaemin would take an opportunity like this to engulf Renjun in his arms, hugging him so hard until he was lifted from the ground. 

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“I know. I…” Jaemin scratched the back of his neck, groaning. “I was upset you didn’t tell us, and angry that you could’ve compromised your career over it. I just want the best for you two.” Renjun’s voice cracked as his composure wobbled, and Jaemin held everything in him to not burst into sobs. He hated seeing his friends cry, he always tried to be the stronger one. 

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“It still hurt, though.” Renjun nodded in acknowledgement, playing with the threads of his sleeve. He looked up at Jaemin who opened his arms apprehensively, and the pair shared a long, warm hug. 

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“I’ll make it up to you. I promise.” Renjun sniffed, smudging his makeup against Jaemin’s expensive coat. Later, Jaemin would scold him for that, but now wasn’t the time for that. Out the corner of his eye, he saw a familiar figure peeking around the corner. His stomach flipped, and he clamped his eyes shut, leaning down to bury his head in Renjun’s neck.

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He still needed time to face him. His emotions were still raw, ruthless and painful. He knew the company didn’t want them together anymore, but he couldn’t control how he felt. As Renjun parted from the hug and headed into his own room, Jaemin was left to stare over at Jeno from the end of the hall. 

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In time, he knew they’d find their way back to each other. Feelings like that don’t just disappear overnight. Jaemin’s stomach did somersaults as Jeno gave him his signature smile, sheepishly kicking his feet against the carpet. 

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“Stop liking me, Na Jaemin.” Jeno called out playfully, glancing nervously at the camera in the corner of their dorm. Jaemin exhaled through his nose, shaking his head before walking over to the other.

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“You liked me first.” 

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And if the pair shared a short, bittersweet kiss behind the refrigerator door, that was no one's business but their own.

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**Author's Note:**

> lol sorry


End file.
